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The Brazilian- saucy rather than erotic

My second novel The Brazilian is out on June 13th – contrary to sales teams across the country who apparently were seeking for an Over 18 banner for it,  this is NOT erotic fiction, but a ‘saucy’ tale (according to Tom Chalmers, the boss of my lovely publisher Legend) which is going on the tables at WH Smith, not Ann Summers – and hopefully one which will make you laugh this summer.  A seasonal romp involving reality TV,  Lego crazy kids and a football star it takes the stars of The Square and puts them on the island of Ibiza for a summer holiday. Enjoy!



Low level anxiety



This is my new novel. The question is, is this cover simply too RUDE? My lovely agent and publishers fall about when they look at it and reassure me that people will just love to pick it up in a bookshop, and WH Smith is putting it ON ITS SUMMER DISPLAY this year so…maybe not. Very much hope my parents don’t see it. Of course I’ll be inviting them to the launch so that’s going to be tricky…anyway you could always buy it on Kindle, I guess. Anyway its very FUNNY so I hope anyone who does put it in their summer suitcase this year for the beach, enjoys it.




Just listen to this programme. Sean O’Brien on Radio 4, explaining about why the Humber inspires poetry, his and others.


Here’s what we think of the grumblers

Martin and me on Radio Humberside, New Year’s Day

Here’s our view on some tired hacks who tried to criticise people for, er, carousing in the streets of Hull over NEW YEAR, as expressed on the Breakfast Show on Radio Humberside. Fun, eh?!

This picture is of a seal in the Humber. wild-eyed-seal

Hull now incredibly up itself



Hilarious from the Daily Mash. Pitch Perfect. Thanks to C of C Trustee Sameera Anwar West for spotting!

BECOMING the UK’s City of Culture has caused everyone in Hull to become a snooty intellectual, it has emerged.  Residents of the northern city are immersing themselves in highbrow literature, classical music and theatre while feeling smug and superior about it.

 Teenager Wayne Hayes said: “I used to drive around playing happy hardcore in my modified Nissan Micra, but I’ve started putting on Mahler symphonies and tutting at people in tracksuits. “Tonight I’m hanging round the park with my mates but instead of drinking cider until we puke, we’re putting on a challenging interpretation of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

Builder Roy Hobbs said: “I was in Wetherspoons for the poetry recital and it was so packed I missed half The Wasteland while I was ordering a bottle of Merlot. The Arts Council really should do something.

“Hopefully it’ll be quieter at the weekend when me and the lads try the Heston Blumenthal tasting menu before going on to the multiplex for the Truffaut retrospective.”

Mum-of-two Donna Sheridan said: “I can’t get the kids off their easels ever since they discovered impressionist painting, so the Playstation 4 was a total waste of money.

“I’ve made a rule that they can have two hours of discussing the plays of David Mamet every night then it’s off to bed.”


The Today programme from Hull on the eve of 2017

To hear me, Chris Hees and Alan Johnson MP chatting to Mishal Husain go to 8.52 am. Whole programme is great however! Hull is the first city to ever ‘guest edit’ a seasonal edition of the Today programme. WP_20150713_003

My postcard from Hull


Why abandoning History of Art is a crime


Gary Kemp, me, Jeremy Deller in front of Deller’s work at the British Pavilion. Deller’s entire show used analysis of history of art esp W.Morris

Imagine being told you will never be given the chance to study the works of Charles Dickens at school. Because learning about Victorian literature is ‘soft’, overtly ‘specialist’ and not relevant. Actually, not just Victorian literature. Read More…

Sunday’s run #RunTheCapital!


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My running number for the British 10 K. I did 10K this morning, took me 52 minutes but I did stop to a) look at some fuschia and b) avoid being run over on Liverpool Road so let’s hope I might do it in under 50 mins on Sunday… I’m going for a ParkRun tomorrow morning (5k remember) which I usually do in about 23 mins so it should be possible. Looking forward to seeing the turnout on Sunday. I’m assuming it won’t be TOTALLY full of very thin muscly looking running club runners (pace Hull Marathon) and instead will feature smiley people in costumes. We’ll see. Having just interviewed Mary Decker, who got a World Record for 5k (15.08) I should probably think about upping my game!